chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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