i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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