And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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