I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
