I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
