Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
