My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
