While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
