So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
