So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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