I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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