After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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