And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
