Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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