i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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