how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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