You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Randomize
