Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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