I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
