Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
