He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
