he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
