Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
