Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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