I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
