so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
