Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
