so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
