so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
