Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
