Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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