Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
