Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
