Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
