Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
