Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
