she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
