It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
