he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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