after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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