Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
