I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
try to milk me bitch
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
