Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
