Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
