so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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