I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize