You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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