Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
