Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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