Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
