I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
