trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
