Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
