Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
