I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
