idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
