I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
