life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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