I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
