Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
