I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize