just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize