when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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