Ambien. No doubt about it.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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