I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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