I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
