Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
